Peeps!


Esther Zhen

Sometimes things just got serious complicated. I knew it doesn't matter anymore.

I don't care much, well I have turn my humanity off.

But there are too many negatives stuffs that really stuck to me. 

I couldn't just let it be. I want to fix it. 

*p/s : don't misunderstand me. I let go, but trying to make things better cause we are friends still. Not at this moment. Take times I guess.

I wanted to make things perfect. I'm trying to make my guard up to 'yell'

I define friends as soul. And I believe them. 

I don't trust you. 

This is why I want to make it in the right path.

I don't know does it help, but I will try, one day.

We are friends, you don't need to hide the truth. Yes, and admit it. No one will even blame you, don't downgrade yourself.
People get annoyed of your behavior.  They mad because they care, likewise no one will even bother you if they don't.


I am complicated. I am fine, I am perfect fine.
I don't feel sad looking at you, yet I feel disgusting.
Trust me, you are not worth for me to ruin myself.
Emotionally I am stronger.

I used to give you respect and trust.
You break it yourself.
I am too good in being good to you.
You take things for granted.
You have stepped on my limit.
And there goes a burst in time.

Guess if you know me well. I don't release out.
I keep it.
I relieve it in the dark
If I do, one day. Please bare in mind.
Is for your own good.
Believe it or not.
I am still helping out even though how sucks it is.

Just to notify that I'm back in blogging. Sometimes you just need to get yourself in a spare time and sit down to write something that really come out from your mind. Uni life has been a congesting life to me. Well, choose to leave and seek for others will be one of the biggest step that I've took. Ain't easy to leave like that, but sometimes there is no choice, leaving instead. Perhaps, I guess I will get a better life than staying at the place that leave me loves hates moments. It is very grateful for me to get involved in a sociable life whereby from a strange place to a place that I cried while leaving. Although there are a lot of ups and downs going on but I am appreciated that true friends who stay by with me no matter what. Btw, I don't easily hate people who has actually offended me or hurts me. But sometimes people just tend to take things for granted in their life. They think they has the authority in controlling others and just leave without responsible. Well, people used to say live forward without looking back. But sometimes things will not faded so easily in a second hence memories will eventually flash back instantly. Why do people do not admit it what they have done? I'm just an ordinary human who has heart and feelings. Emotionally can take over my control easily. I couldn't judge without realising it but disappointment has been mark as a weakness. I bleed when I fall down, and ain't a machine who can turn on and off whenever who needs. I try to be calm and kind even though how bad things has happened. But the truth literally shattered my heart once again. My humanity has turn off from the day till I seems like I can getting over it but now it seems like I should have turn it off once again. I need a break, I need to be alone, I need to be strong for once! This is what I get paid from the lesson that I've learned. Well, accept the fact and I believe this cruel world. Okay, guard up and don't give a shit or damn on it now. Hi, I'm back to a grey moment. I guess it is good to know earlier than dragging in believing lies like a stupid. 

Final is approaching! I just got myself stucked always. I kept telling myself to revise every single minute, but there are like millions of words that I need to memorise. And it make me seriously headache all days. Sometimes I am confuse of what I should revise too. Too stress huh? I hate calculation in my life due to not touching my calculator for about 2 years. I was stunned infront of the calculator on the first day of math's class. No idea, how dumb am I. Trying to do more exercise nowadays, hopefully it is not too late for it. 

I didn't expect much about my result for certain subject. But truly, I hope that at least I got some improvement from last semester. I can't imagine how wonderful is my uni life, but of course same as the result too. I am glad that I knew a bunch of new friends at my second semester. Thanks to AIESEC who approach me and transform me from coward to social. I never regret of my decision though. 

When time pass by, bad things happened too. It seems perfectly at the outlook. But no one really concern 'tabout how it looks like in the inside story. I feel awful. Why people are so mean? I don't get it why am I the one who easily get hurt. I shouldn't put myself into that situation. I try to be strong, I try to be calm. But I couldn't. I am too emotional towards something that I really care about. I may seems strong, but can you feel that how weak am I? Every single thing, I did it myself. I never rely on anyone. I came here to be independent by my own self. Can't deny, friends really help me alot. But only true friend does.

I shouldn't think about all these bullshits again. I need to get my guards up and face this evil life. I hate it but I need to gone through it. All the best in my final. Toodles!

Such a big portion!

Itadakimasu! Spot Jung ? :DD

Jung!!!! She is a lidiat of Korean! She looks korean?

Muacks!

Crazy time with insta!

Officially 20th! :)

Bye!